


These Small Hours

by JasonVoorhees



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, as in they haven't been together that long, supportive boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29179899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasonVoorhees/pseuds/JasonVoorhees
Summary: Starscream is still getting used to being together with Wheeljack, and figuring out all the intricacies of how to be a good partner.He'd also assumed, being the complete and utter high maintenance mess that he is, that he'd be the one dragging all the emotional baggage into the relationship.
Relationships: Starscream/Wheeljack (Transformers), Windblade/Chromia (mentioned)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56





	These Small Hours

Starscream should not be this nervous. He’s dealt with tyrants, warlords, time-manipulating mad scientists, reckless Primes, and entire rooms of delegates from different colonies and worlds that can’t agree on one fucking thing.

This isn’t even his and Wheeljack’s first date; he was less nervous about that. It’s just the first time Wheeljack is going to spend time at Starscream’s place. They’ve spent a few evenings at Wheeljack’s—the place was pretty much the chaotic mess Starscream had been expecting—and he figures it’s only fair that they have some time at Starscream’s. That’s a normal thing people do when they’re dating. He thinks. This is still rather new. That’s part of what’s giving him the anxiety—that he’s about to do something wrong.

Wheeljack arrives ten minutes late, smelling faintly of burnt chemicals. “Sorry,” he says as soon as Starscream lets him in. “I made a mess I had ta clean up. Woulda eaten right through my floor.”

“That’s all right,” Starscream says, and he feels a little better because this is familiar. He leads Wheeljack into his living area, guiding him to the couch. He’s got some engex and cubes out (because that’s what they’ve had the couple of times they went to Wheeljack’s) and he offers one to Wheeljack.

“Thanks,” Wheeljack says brightly, accepting the cube and taking a sip. “Nice place. Lots of space, huh? Guess that comes with bein’ leader of Cybertron.”

“It has its perks,” Starscream agrees. He grabs the other cube and takes a swig, hoping it’ll help him relax.

“Rough day?” Wheeljack asks.

“All my days are rough,” Starscream replies without thinking.

Wheeljack hesitates, then says, “We don’t hafta hang out if you’re too tired.”

“No!” Starscream takes hold of Wheeljack’s hand. “Seeing you is exactly what I need after a rough day.”

“Aw, Starscream,” Wheeljack says, looking embarrassed. He gives Starscream’s hand a little squeeze.

Feeling a bit bolder, Starscream scoots up next to him so their shoulders are touching. Contrary to his feelings about, well, everyone else, he likes being close to Wheeljack. “So what was going to eat through your floor?” he asks.

“Oh,” Wheeljack says nonchalantly, “It was s’pposed to be a compound for stiff joints.”

“That… doesn’t sound like the type of thing that should eat through solid concrete.”

“Nope,” Wheeljack agrees. “It’s a work in progress. You got any projects you’re workin’ on?”

“Not personal projects,” Starscream sighs. “Although I am thinking about how to overhaul Cybertron’s transportation system.”

“Oh?” Wheeljack says, and Starscream can tell he’s interested, so he continues. He explains how the layouts of most of old Cybertron were pretty functionist, and they haven’t really been updated in New Iacon. He’d gotten a report from Tankor—the tall one, he clarifies, who Windblade had put on the transportation commission because she thought a triple-changer would have a more rounded perspective. (Starscream grudgingly admits that it was a very good idea.) Tankor had pointed out that the city was mainly laid out to accommodate those with vehicle alt-modes, which admittedly is most of the population. But minority or not, there are plenty of bots with non-vehicle modes—Soundwave, Perceptor, etc.—and it’s much more troublesome for them to get around.

“There is _some_ general transportation,” Starscream says, “But it’s sporadic and the routes aren’t comprehensive.” Starscream pulls a datapad from his subspace and shows Wheeljack a map of the current layout. “See here, here, and here, and there’s a giant gap here.” Starscream pauses. “I’d like to have the commission start redesigning it, but I think there probably needs to be input from the bots that would benefit most from it. Maybe I’ll get Ironhide to recruit some non-vehicle people.” Starscream looks at Wheeljack to see if he’s following, and Wheeljack is nodding enthusiastically.

“That’s great, Star!” he says. “You put a lot of thought into this. I think people will be really happy ta hear it.”

Starscream still isn’t used to being called that, especially with such affection. Wheeljack had noticed it after a couple of times, and worriedly asked if the name was okay to use. Starscream had replied, “It’s okay if it’s you. _Only_ you.” Wheeljack had seemed happy about that.

“I hope so,” Starscream says in response to Wheeljack. He stows away the datapad. “I’m sure there are other things we can talk about besides work, however.”

“Sure, if you’d rather not,” Wheeljack says agreeably, taking a sip from his cube. “Are you goin’ to Chromia and Windblade’s conjunx ceremony?”

Starscream frowns. “I _was_.” Wheeljack waits expectantly, so Starscream goes on, “I said I’d officiate and they _declined._ Me! I’m the ruler of Cybertron!”

“Well,” Wheeljack says gently. “Chromia did say that, uh, if they had you do it you’d try to be the center of attention.”

Starscream considers that, and he’s irritated, but… “I suppose that’s fair. I would.”

“But ya wouldn’t if you were just there as a guest?”

“No, I still might.”

“Oh,” Wheeljack looks conflicted. “Chromia told me I can only bring ya if ya keep it low-key.”

“Oh she did, did she? That’s just Chromia-speak for _I don’t want Starscream there at all_.” Starscream sniffs. “There’s nothing low-key about me.”

“I know,” Wheeljack says, and Starscream can hear the smile in his voice. “Guess we’ll sit this one out.”

“We—you can still go, Wheeljack,” Starscream says, and wonders why he said that because hell no, he doesn’t want Wheeljack going to a celebration without him. He can just imagine the other guests snidely asking “And where’s Starscream?” Ugh. They’d barely started dating before the news had spread.

“Naw, I don’t wanna go without you,” Wheeljack says. “That’s no fun. And can you imagine how nosy people’d be? Prob’ly buggin’ me all night about where you were.”

Starscream blinks at him. “Yes… do you _want_ to go?”

Wheeljack flaps his hand. “Doesn’t matter, I ain’t goin’ if you ain’t.”

“It does matter,” Starscream says. “If you want to, I _can_ be… unobtrusive. I’m still going to wear my crown though.”

Wheeljack laughs. “That’s not unobtrusive and you know it.”

“It’s the best I can do.” Starscream grins. “Although you know what I should do? Find another couple of bots getting conjunxed and schedule it for the same day, with _me_ officiating.”

“Yeah, but then I can’t bring ya,” Wheeljack points out. “Besides, you really wanna spoil their day just for that?” He wags a finger at Starscream. “Think about how hard it would be for ya to work with Windblade after that. I guarantee she wouldn’t make it easy.”

“Damn,” says Starscream. Wheeljack knows exactly what reasoning to use with him. “You’re right.”

“An’ Chromia’s already irritated with ya all the time anyway. Lord, I don’t even wanna think about what she’d do.” Wheeljack shudders.

“Fine, fine, I won’t do that,” Starscream says. He narrows his optics. “Chromia’s not giving _you_ a hard time, is she? Because we’re seeing each other?”

“Uh.” Wheeljack shrugs. “A little. But not much more than she was before, ‘cause I was always stickin’ up for you anyway. Think she prob’ly saw it coming.”

“I see.” Starscream immediately begins thinking of not very nice things to say to Chromia tomorrow.

“Don’t worry about it,” Wheeljack says. “I can tell you’re worryin’.”

“I’m not worrying,” Starscream says. “I’m planning.”

“Ya don’t need ta tell her off for me,” Wheeljack says. “An’ anyway, if we go to their ceremony and be civil the whole time, she’ll probably let up a bit.”

Starscream groans and leans his head on Wheeljack’s shoulder. “I don’t want to play polite for her just so she’ll behave. That’s what blackmail’s for.”

Wheeljack just chuckles and wraps an arm around Starscream. “Blackmail might be killin’ a cyberfox with a nuke. Little politeness goes a long way.”

“I’m well aware,” Starscream says wryly. “The delegates eat it up. I just don’t want to be polite to Chromia.”

“At least half of her attitude is jus’ her bein’ protective of Windblade,” Wheeljack says good-naturedly.

“And Windblade’s too honest for her own good,” Starscream grumbles, but he can’t really stay grumpy when Wheeljack’s holding him. “Want to hear the latest on the new Science Academy?”

“Absolutely,” Wheeljack says cheerfully.

They sit and talk for awhile longer, the conversation going from the science academy to the advances in technology since the old academy was destroyed, to Wheeljack’s ideas for _more_ advances in technology, until it’s gotten quite late.

“I guess we should call it a night,” Wheeljack says. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He leans in for a kiss.

Starscream kisses him automatically, but his next words catch in his throat, because this moment is why he was so fucking nervous. He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and says, “No! …Wait.”

Wheeljack had started to get up, but he sits back down. “Everythin’ ok?”

“No,” Starscream says. “I mean, yes. I was—I—” _Why_ is this so fucking difficult? Probably because this is the first time he’s asked this question since before the war. He hasn’t trusted _anyone_ like this in millions of years, let alone had this unfamiliar longing for intimacy. “Do you want to stay and recharge here?” he finally gets out.

“Uh,” says Wheeljack. “The—d’ya mean, like, on the couch? I can…”

“No,” Starscream says. “On the recharge slab.”

“You have an extra?” Wheeljack asks, and Starscream’s spark starts to sink.

“No.”

Wheeljack is quiet for a moment, which is just enough time for Starscream to panic and start backtracking. “I’m not—” Starscream stammers, “I just thought—I thought it might be nice, recharging together, I’m not trying to—”

“It’s okay,” Wheeljack says quickly. “I, um, I’d like that. I was jus’ tryin’ to make sure I understood exactly what you were askin’. I just wasn’t expectin’ it ‘cause I know you—you don’t like people in your space. Usually. Not that I don’t understand, of course, I know what ya went through—”

“You’re right,” Starscream interrupts, his fuel tanks churning with anxiety. “I don’t like people in my space. I don’t trust anybody. But you’re different. It’s _strange,_ and I can’t remember the last time I felt like this, but I—I trust you with my life, Wheeljack. I _want_ to be close to you.”

“Okay,” Wheeljack says shyly, his finials turning pink. “I’ll stay.”

“Oh. Good,” Starscream says, and doesn’t know what else to say, so he tugs on Wheeljack’s hand and leads him to his room. Wheeljack doesn’t say anything else either and he’s being oddly bashful again, which Starscream thinks is rather adorable.

Wheeljack stops when they reach the recharge slab and looks like he doesn’t know what to do. Starcream doesn’t really know either, as far as etiquette goes, but he doesn’t care so he just gives Wheeljack a little push. Wheeljack obligingly climbs on the slab, Starscream right behind him, and then they spend too many awkward minutes figuring out how to lay comfortably together.

Once they do, however, Starscream thinks this was a very good idea. He can hear the quiet rumbling of Wheeljack’s engine, and feel the heat radiating from it. He’d forgotten this feeling, the comfort of having someone else there with you that you knew would never hurt you. There’s no anxiety, nothing urging him to discreetly set internal alarms so he can keep checking if the person beside him has ulterior motives.

Starscream offlines his optics and drifts into the most peaceful recharge he’s had in millennia.

A hoarse cry wakes him, and Starscream wishes he wasn’t used to it but he’s woken himself up with his own screams far too many times. He bolts upright, clutching at his spark chamber.

This. This was one of the reasons he was so hesitant to ask Wheeljack to stay. He doesn’t want this to ruin everything. He doesn’t want Wheeljack to have to deal with this. He doesn’t…

He doesn’t feel his spark churning like a broken galaxy, or his head breaking with the pain of a million memories.

He sits there in the dark as his brain module slowly processes it, and he realizes that he didn’t _have_ a nightmare. Very slowly, he turns to Wheeljack, who hasn’t moved. “Wheeljack?” he says, softly, not wanting to wake him if he isn’t already. Wheeljack emits a quiet groan, and Starscream leans over him and says again, “Wheeljack?”

No response this time. Wheeljack’s optics are dim and his engine is idling quietly. He’s asleep. Dreaming.

The next sound that comes from Wheeljack’s vocalizer is a broken whimper, and it’s the most horrible thing Starscream has ever heard. He _hates_ it, it’s twisting his spark into a billion pieces, and he can’t let Wheeljack keep dreaming about whatever it is that’s scaring him so badly. He reaches out to wake him up, but just as his fingers brush Wheeljack’s chassis, Wheeljack mumbles, miserably, “Starscream… no…”

Starscream yanks his hand back in horror. Is Wheeljack dreaming about _him?_ Is _Starscream_ the cause of those spark-breaking cries? He can’t even think of what it could be, simply because there’s no end to all the awful things he’s done in the past four million years. He feels his optics watering, because oh god, please don’t let him be the reason for Wheeljack’s nightmare. Please.

Starscream starts to reach out again, but freezes when Wheeljack awakes with a gasp. Wheeljack’s hands reach up to blindly clutch at his own face, his finials, his neck.

Starscream doesn’t know what to do, he’s just sitting with his hand extended. When his hand starts to shake, Wheeljack’s optics blink to focus on him. “Starscream,” Wheeljack says blearily. “I’m still here?”

Maybe Wheeljack hasn’t completely awoken, but either way Starscream doesn’t know what to say besides, “Yes.”

Wheeljack sits up and reaches out for him, and Starscream accepts the embrace. He holds Wheeljack tentatively, then a little firmer when he feels some of the tension drain from Wheeljack’s frame.

Okay. So Wheeljack is comforted by Starscream’s presence. That’s still bewildering to him, but also a good sign. It means Wheeljack wasn’t dreaming about Starscream hurting him. Probably. Right?

Starscream swallows and says, “You said my name. While you were dreaming.”

Wheeljack clings to Starscream and doesn’t answer right away. When he does, it’s strained. “I was rememberin’. You were there. When I… got shot.”

Starscream’s hold on Wheeljack involuntarily tightens. So that’s why Wheeljack was clutching at his head. Starscream feels sick. “I was,” Starscream says, and he hates to even think about it. “I was right beside you.”

“Someone screamed,” Wheeljack says quietly. “That’s the last thing I remember. Someone screamin’ ‘no’.”

“Bumblebee,” Starscream says. “That was Bumblebee.”

“Oh.” Wheeljack is silent for a few minutes. “There’s… other stuff. Nothing clear. Bits ‘n’ pieces. Everything hurtin’. A room, but everything’s cloudy. Wavy.”

“The repair tank,” Starscream says numbly.

“They are memories, then,” Wheeljack says quietly.

Starscream doesn’t say anything. This is the first time Wheeljack’s mentioned being conscious at all during his recovery.

“There was someone there,” Wheeljack says, and he sounds far away, like he’s trying to hold onto the details. “Cryin’. They were cryin’.”

Starscream stiffens.

“On—on the floor. They’d be sittin’ on the floor and just…” Wheeljack pauses, and he sounds sad when he continues, “The kind of cryin’ that you know they’re hurtin’ real bad. Like nothin’ in the universe could help.”

“Me,” Starscream whispers, his spark aching. “That was me.” So he is the source of some of Wheeljack’s nightmare. “Whenever I saw you in there I couldn’t—I just—I had to believe you’d make it, but… I’m sorry, Wheeljack. I’m so sorry.”

Wheeljack pulls back a little, and he looks confused. “Why are you sorry?”

“I—you’re having bad dreams about it.”

Wheeljack wraps his arms back around Starscream and squeezes him tightly. “Don’t apologize for bein’ in pain,” he says. “You never gotta be sorry for that. Never.”

Starscream is speechless. How does Wheeljack do that? Say things about Starscream that no one else would _ever_ say, and yet they’re exactly what he needs to hear? He wants more than anything to do that for Wheeljack, to help him and comfort him and say the right things. But that’s one thing he’s just not good at. Even the want itself is unfamiliar, because if he’s going to help someone he always weighs the pros and cons, the benefits and detriments of doing so.

Right now he couldn’t care less about the downsides, all he wants is for Wheeljack to feel better. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re hurting,” Starscream says pleadingly.

“Yer not,” says Wheeljack says softly. “If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be dreamin’ at all ‘cause I’d be dead. You saved me, and you didn’t do anythin’ wrong by bein’ upset.”

“Wheeljack,” Starscream says, and he’s so frustrated he wants to cry (because why is Wheeljack still comforting _him_ when Wheeljack was the one having a nightmare?!). “Please tell me how to help you. Please. I don’t want you to be sad, I don’t want you to have nightmares and wake up like that.”

“You are helpin’,” Wheeljack says. “I’d much rather wake up with you next to me than in an empty room. The nightmares I think I’m stuck with.”

“That’s not fair,” Starscream says. He grips the sides of Wheeljack’s face and presses their foreheads together. “It’s not fucking _fair._ You don’t deserve that.”

“I know it’s not fair,” Wheeljack says. “Plenty in life ain’t fair. I just gotta deal with it. That’s what you’re helpin’ with.” He takes Starscream’s hands. “You _are_ helpin’. I promise.”

Starscream knows that Wheeljack is right. If Starscream can’t get rid of his own nightmares, why would getting rid of Wheeljack’s be any easier? His feelings are just so unbearably strong that he threw logic right out the window. Is this why people sometimes act so stupid around their significant others? It probably doesn’t help that it’s the middle of the night and they’re both still tired.

Fine, then. He’ll help Wheeljack deal with it. He’ll be the most supportive fucking boyfriend in the universe, goddammit. He lifts their entwined hands and kisses Wheeljack’s knuckles fiercely. “I love you.”

Wheeljack’s eyes smile softly, and he pulls Starscream’s hands to hold them tightly over his spark chamber. “I love you, too,” he says. “Sorry fer wakin’ you. But thank you for bein’ here.”

“I’ll be here as often as you need me to,” Starscream replies. “I swear to fucking Primus I’ll do anything for you, Wheeljack.”

Wheeljack blushes. “I—wow, uh. Wow.” He chuckles nervously. “Still gettin’ used to you likin’ me that much.”

“I literally just told you that I love you.”

Wheeljack blinks. “Ah, yeah… You did. But it’s some ungodly hour and it’s hard for me ta think.”

Starscream rubs at his optics. “True. Let’s go back to sleep.” He flops back down on the recharge slab.

“Okay,” Wheeljack says agreeably. He lays down beside Starscream and immediately snuggles up to him. “Lucky me,” Wheeljack says sleepily. “I’m the only one allowed ta cuddle with ya.”

“That’s exactly right,” Starscream says. He twists around a little to plant a kiss on Wheeljack’s faceplate. Wheeljack blushes again. After a pause Starscream adds, “Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” Wheeljack says, gently nuzzling Starscream’s shoulder. “Are you?”

“For now I am,” Starscream says. “Yes.”

“Good,” says Wheeljack, his optics dimming already. “Good night, Star.”

“Good night, Wheeljack,” Starscream says, pressing one more kiss on the top of Wheeljack’s head. He surrenders to the night along with Wheeljack, and their terrors mercifully leave them be for the rest of it.


End file.
